Sunday Blues

I awake on the early hours March 3rd to rubbing my eyes and facing my day with no real goal but to wait for the day to end already. My new job awaits me tomorrow, thrilled that I don’t have to face reality of unemployment for much longer. Reflecting on my last job and helping it get started I thought I did a positive but turned out it was my fault it all failed. My previous experience got them to where they want to, which was logging out of the woods, huh, but somehow it prompt the inexperienced manager to see that was a good sign when in reality despite the many warning signs and discussions we had it was ignored and pushed us into a danger situation. That is why I left my last job, ignoring the job and pushing the drivers in dangerous situations.

I cleaned my room for the most part in the night before, organizing and putting things away, its a start but it reeks in miserable decay as I have not been taking great care for myself. Maybe one day, maybe one day…. maybe one day. Looking at myself in the mirror is just not possible. I’m nothing but an anchor for people. I only did one good deed but after that I retreat into my bitter and hermit self. Why do people take the time of day to know me? I just don’t understand. My friends think I am a very nice person and always go out of my way helping others, yes true but its really an excuse to not help myself. I always viewed others come before me.

When I almost slipped off the mountain at work one time, I was not worried of me, I was worried about my passenger as I almost killed him and myself.